April 9, 2015 by crazylemonlove
The words below have been removed from the work in progress for the upcoming release of Vanessa by the Sea. Offered up here as Virginia Wolfe talked about as “diamonds in the dust bin” for comment and sharing and insight…
Enjoy these thoughts from the Therapy process with Vanessa Bland that is the construction at the heart of my new work of spiritual exploration with healing and love, Vanessa by the Sea…
In an Eternity of activities.
I don’t want to face any more stuff.
That’s it. That’s all.
(my unconscious chirps in, understanding the futility of my statement)
‘I don’t want to face the stuff that isn’t my problem.’
My strength is done. My sense of direction lost.
The only option.
Moving Forward. (If you are going through hell, keep on going.)
In the grips of backward being depressing and forward bringing anxiety.
All the while in the wholeness.
I remember the joy and carnival of the freedom of my heart bursting through. In each moment. In each aching beat, reminding me to life, to love, to live, to care, to try and most importantly not to give up.
Each step forward (backward) brings me one step forward
(backward) into and through the infinity as the earth turns, as energy flows and the ways and means of today and tomorrow expand with joy within the echo of this moment rippling into the being-ness of presence and beyond the beyond.
I am in the circle of the whole
The full circle contained the entirety of my existence.
Given time to be with myself. To enjoy and relish who I am. To love each part of my expression free from the other energies. in my own thoughts enjoying the experience of joy with what opens endlessly before me. It’s the strangest thing having a love interruption, a kind and considerate and thoughtful soulful bringing comfort, allowing tough feelings to flow, never stagnating, moving through, as exercise in the existence of the universe. We’ve hung out as intercession.
In precious time, we’ve strolled around in the sacred space of oneness.
The experience of having someone in ‘there’ with me who
isn’t destructive and critical and hateful is pleasant and helpful and on many
Many things don’t feel good after unloosing one unpleasantly held locked ptsd memory after another. And somehow the words happy times don’t fit into the description of how it all unfolds. It isn’t happy. It is helpful. It isn’t good times. It is extraordinary. It is love. It is transcendence. When I look back. It is support. The one thing I do know, the support will be there unconditionally.
Enchanting in its utter simplicity. I’m finally getting to be with what is. In the moment. In the ecstasy. In the time. And then, the moment is gone,
forever left to its magic. Complete.
The next moment bringing the next thing.
Ever questing to be what it is
in its entirety
in its time.